Back to square one

DHS called me yesterday to tell me that we no longer have our therapist because apparently the entire office she was working in was shut down Monday unexpectedly. This is not a good thing because Kayla and I loved this therapist. She has been working with Kayla for months and has really gained her trust. She is excellent at working with foster and adoptive kids and knows all their issues. She is the reason our finalization was postponed-so that we could continue family therapy wit her. So this is very frustrating to say the least. DHS gave us an appointment with a new therapist on Monday and I'm just hoping and praying that she will be good and be able to help us. I can't believe we have to start ALL OVER, though. I just have to keep reminding myself that God knows what He's doing...

Wishing for my snow day

Well, Kayla has a snow day today but I don't. The streets are just wet so far but they called off school. It IS supposed to get icy later so I guess it was some preventative planning. However, I had to go into work today. I did let Kayla sleep 1 1/2 hours later than normal so I guess that was something...so here we are. She gets to play on the computer and I get to work. I want a snow day too!

Winter blahs

I have all good intentions of keeping this blog regularly updated but then life gets in the way...or in my case sickness. I have been sick with one infection or another since Christmas day. I've had a cold, the stomach flu, a sinus infection, and an eye infection. It sounds like I need to start a drip of Vitamin C in me. I just feel wiped out and drained constantly. I'm ready for Spring already...anyone else?

Kayla is going to spend the night with her sister tonight that she hasn't seen in a few months. I think it will be really good for both of them. Her little sister adores her and doesn't get to see her very often. And I will get some much needed rest time.

What they don't tell you....

They don't tell you how hard it is to have the person who is to be your daughter (but who is a complete stranger) move into your home and immediately be expected to become a family. And they don't tell the little girl who moves into your home and leaves behind everything and everyone familiar that she will go through an adjustment period and these feelings are normal. It's a process that takes time and now, seven months later, we are moving closer to that goal of being a real family. As Kayla gets more comfortable with me and in our home, the effects of her past are coming closer to the surface. Older kids who get adopted go through a "honeymoon" phase where everything is wonderful and they are on their best behavior. Then as time goes on and they become more comfortable, the real issues and behaviors take over. Kayla has a habit of keeping everything inside and not talking about her feelings but she has been seeing a therapist for the past few months and has slowly started talking about some of these things. Last week we started family therapy together and our first session went better than I could have imagined. I think it will be really good for us to get all of these things out on the surface and deal with them now rather than later...or not ever.

We had a court date last week. We had originally believed our adoption would be finalized next month but now me, the therapist, and our social worker have agreed to hold off while we go through this period of counseling and give Kayla time to work through some of these issues and give us time to work on building a stronger relationship. I can already tell a difference in Kayla since our meeting with the therapist last week. She has been much more open about things in her life and telling me when she is scared. She even got angry with me once which I take as a great sign because she has not done that before. And you don't get angry with people you are not attached to...so I think and hope our relationship will continue to get stronger each and every day. It is a process and a journey, and for me, as well as Kayla, a valuable learning experience on dealing with feelings and issues as they arise and learning to be able to communicate and ask for help. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life but I would not trade a minute of it.

Isabella's Birthday

My niece, Isabella, turned 4 this weekend. She is the one who idolizes Kayla and talks about her all the time. We drove up north just to see her. She had a big day with Kayla. We took her for pizza and bowling and then Kayla wanted to take her to Build-A-Bear where she got her first one--all dressed up in a Wizards of Waverly tee.

My parents gave us their tickets to the musical Wizard of Oz Friday night. Kayla seemed to enjoy it. She hasn't seen much live theatre and loves the dancing, of course. It was a bit long and we were tired but it was a good show.

Saturday night we took Kayla to her first Arkansas Razorback basketball game. They have been on a winning streak beating two top ten teams. I don't know what happened to them Saturday, though. They couldn't buy a basket. We ended up getting beat and Kayla said she was bad luck for them.

Kayla spent yesterday afternoon on Match.com determined to find me a suitable boyfriend. That was uh...interesting. I have no idea what she's done on there. She's apparently "winked" at all these guys on my behalf so who knows what I have waiting for me on my email.

We start family counseling today. I hope it goes well.

Back to my routine

I am so happy to be back at work today and feeling normal for the first time in two weeks. Being sick and off work for too long makes me crazy. Kayla did not want to go to school today. Her best friend from school moved to California over Christmas break. I hate that that had to happen since she already has a long history of people leaving her. She did spend go to a birthday slumber party for a girl from her class Saturday night which did her a lot of good. She came home in such a good mood she cleaned and organized her room on a scale I haven't seen in months. We'll see how long it lasts...

Happy second day of the year

For 2009, I resolve to not be sick. I've been sick for the past two weeks and I'm done. I'm feeling better but still feel like I could sleep the day away. I ventured out on New Year's Eve with Kayla to get some dinner so I could feel like I was at least doing some celebrating and promptly came home and got sick. So much for that. We did stay up until midnight to watch the ball drop and toast some sparkling white grape juice with each other and the dog.

As for resolutions, I would like to eat healthier and work out more, stay within my financial budget, and grow more spiritually. But I would be happy if we could all just have peace on earth and an end to this economic crisis in 2009. So here's to what promises to be another interesting, life-changing year...