Friday, April 10, 2009

Living with a teenager

I now feel like I am living with a real live teenager. The hormones are coming out and out of control. Kayla has been arguing over every little thing with me this week and then last night's therapy session was the icing on the cake. Oh boy, is all I have to say. I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or jump out the window. She was so mad at me and the therapist. We are going to be working on communication skills this week and listening. I've written before that Kayla doesn't like to talk about her feelings or anything really personal so sometimes it takes a long while to drag stuff out of her and if you can't read her mind or don't know exactly what she is talking about then you are her enemy at the moment. We are also both very stubborn and like to be right so we clash often. Me, who doesn't like confrontation, is growing a thicker skin by the minute. It's the only way to survive in this ballgame.

We are also trying a new tactic for chores and being responsible. Kayla apparently has decided in the past week that she is tired of me telling her what to do all the time and it makes her "feel like a baby." I continually have to tell her or remind her what to do because as a child with ADHD she gets distracted and off task very easily. But whatever. The therapist told us to make a chart listing her chores and if she doesn't do what she's supposed to do she won't get her allowance for the week. Then it's on her and I don't have to worry anymore about what she does or doesn't do. It becomes her responsibility and she suffers the consequences. I also started reading the book Love & Logic for Teenagers last night, which is literally the bible for parenting kids that have difficult backgrounds. It's basically the same premise-let her make her own mistakes and suffer her own consequences for her choices...and the parent is supposed to stay cool, calm and collected. Maybe this will help lower my blood pressure!

Anyway, thank God it's Friday and Good Friday at that. We are headed to the family's house up north this afternoon. Happy Easter!


Tricia said...

have a nice Easter

Sally's World said...

hormonal teenagers arrghhh!!!! just bear in mind, another five years and it will even out...have i made you feel better??? lol!

have a great easter

Violet said...

My 11YO (turning 12 next month) is in the same boat - hormones and misery and shouting and angst and anger and.. GAH! It's worse, in some ways, because we try to deal with the kids by 'stage not age' (because he's 11 in age but not emotionally or maturity - in those, he's about 7 at this point, an improvement over when he first moved in..)

So he's hormonal and stupid and being horrible to everyone and.. man, yuck.

In our house, chore charts ROCK. You get your chores done and you get paid, of course, but you also get unlimited electronics and fun stuff. You don't do chores and you don't get paid AND no electronics. And I don't nag other than a quick "Did you finish your chores?" query once in a while.

With 11YO, though, the hardest part is that "staying cool, calm and collected" because, zow, he knows *exactly* what buttons to push to make me want to scream!

I am dreading the teenage years. DREADING.

Lisa said...

Crazy about the L & L books. Well...actually anything by L & L.

This seems to work really well with J but she is only 8. Give me a few years and it'll probably be a different report. ;-)