Meltdown

Thursday was a tough day. We had therapy and Kayla was confronted by the therapist about her not talking about her feelings. She stayed angry most of the session but wouldn't even admit that she was angry to us. It was very frustrating to say the least. But then at the end the therapist made a remark about her having a wall up and she kicked over the table and said she "was sick of everyone and everything" and started crying. The therapist said it was the first display of real emotion she had seen her have. So we left there and I couldn't get Kayla to talk about anything that happened, which I don't know why I thought I could if she couldn't in there but I tried anyway, then she accused me of trying to talk to her "when I clearly should have known she was done with the conversation." Then our social worker decided to pay us a visit and I told her some of what was going on and she went to talk to Kayla. We all tried to sit down and talk a bit later and that did not go well. Kayla cried and argued and then ran to her room. She told me she planned to "run away where no one could ever find her." Our social worker thinks Kayla still has not come to terms with the adoption and that she has never been forced to talk about her feelings so this does not come easy for her. She is used to living in a state of denial about what has gone on in her life and can function pretty well like that but I know she won't be able to function like that forever without dealing with some of this stuff. Our social worker thinks we should give it another month or two for the adoption finalization instead of trying to finalize in May since Kayla's feelings are just now coming to the surface. I see where she's coming from even though on one hand I wonder if the finalization will help her feel more secure.

Kayla has been at her sister's all weekend and I've been cleaning the house and trying to catch up on my rest. She was acting pretty normal before she left but who knows what kid will be brought back to me. Now that we've opened Pandora's box, I can no longer predict what mood she will be in and how my days will go. I think we're finally hitting reality here and it isn't pretty.

Staying busy

We've been busy the last week or so. We went to Eureka Springs, a lovely little town full of charm in the mountains, last weekend and had a great time even though it rained most of the time. We even brought the dog and it was nice to get away for a few days though I've been running around like crazy since we've been back.

But the big news is I am putting my house on the market. I've been thinking about it for a while. My house was built in the 1950s and while it has a lot of character it also requires a lot of upkeep. Not to mention it's lacking in storage space and both of our bedrooms are practically on top of each other. So I have been looking at some newer houses with bigger bathrooms and updated appliances and lots more storage space. I hadn't found anything I really liked until last week. I can't get this house out of my head which I take to mean I should go for it so I am hurriedly trying to get my house in shape to be shown. This is stressful and scary and exciting all at the same time. I'll just see what happens and trust that if it is supposed to work out it will.

Easter eggs and clean kitchens

A weekend out of town was just what the doctor ordered. It was nice to get away and spend time with family. My mom and I took Kayla and my niece to see the Hannah Montana movie Saturday and Kayla and my niece hung out all day. Sunday was cold and rainy but the kids had fun on their muddy Easter egg hunt.

And last night was when the miracle occurred. We got home late and had to go to the grocery store and Kayla started going through the refrigerator to see what we were out of and adding it to the list and her attitude was great all through the store. Then when we got home she decided to go through the refrigerator and pantry and throw out all the old food (of which there was many) and reorganize everything. It took her a couple of hours but it looks great. I now have a lovely, clean kitchen. And so now I'm wondering where did my daughter go? She wouldn't have done this last week. Maybe some of that stuff from therapy is seeping into her head. Whatever it is, I like it and I'm crossing my fingers I get to enjoy this new attitude of hers for longer than one day.

Living with a teenager

I now feel like I am living with a real live teenager. The hormones are coming out and out of control. Kayla has been arguing over every little thing with me this week and then last night's therapy session was the icing on the cake. Oh boy, is all I have to say. I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or jump out the window. She was so mad at me and the therapist. We are going to be working on communication skills this week and listening. I've written before that Kayla doesn't like to talk about her feelings or anything really personal so sometimes it takes a long while to drag stuff out of her and if you can't read her mind or don't know exactly what she is talking about then you are her enemy at the moment. We are also both very stubborn and like to be right so we clash often. Me, who doesn't like confrontation, is growing a thicker skin by the minute. It's the only way to survive in this ballgame.

We are also trying a new tactic for chores and being responsible. Kayla apparently has decided in the past week that she is tired of me telling her what to do all the time and it makes her "feel like a baby." I continually have to tell her or remind her what to do because as a child with ADHD she gets distracted and off task very easily. But whatever. The therapist told us to make a chart listing her chores and if she doesn't do what she's supposed to do she won't get her allowance for the week. Then it's on her and I don't have to worry anymore about what she does or doesn't do. It becomes her responsibility and she suffers the consequences. I also started reading the book Love & Logic for Teenagers last night, which is literally the bible for parenting kids that have difficult backgrounds. It's basically the same premise-let her make her own mistakes and suffer her own consequences for her choices...and the parent is supposed to stay cool, calm and collected. Maybe this will help lower my blood pressure!

Anyway, thank God it's Friday and Good Friday at that. We are headed to the family's house up north this afternoon. Happy Easter!

Shop til you drop

Shopping for clothes with an almost teenager is a nightmare. We spent hours in just one store and when I told Kayla that we couldn't get everything--she needed to choose a few things she pitched a fit. Luckily for both of us, she snaps out of her moods really quickly. She did end up with some cute stuff for Spring to get her through the end of the school year and we got the all-important Easter dress but the process was exhausting. We ended up having dinner at Applebee's at 10 o'clock at night because we ran out of time and then I literally crawled into bed.

We went to see my best friend's new baby yesterday. Welcome to the world, River! He is adorable. All my friend's are having babies right now...and I'm dealing with teenage hormones. That must be karma.

Our 75-degree weather turned into a 40-degree high today with massive winds. Kayla turned up for school in one of her new spring t-shirts and strappy sandals. I told her she was going to freeze to death and she stomped off to change into more appropriate clothing. Somehow the weather is my fault, I guess!

Can I have my weekend back? If so, I would just stay in bed and relax all weekend long. Why didn't I do that?!