Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Much better this time around

So our therapy session yesterday was much better than the last one. The therapist apologized to me for "forcing" Kayla to call me "mom." She said that Kayla was stubborn and that she wouldn't do anything the therapist asked her to do because she was told to do it. So the therapist said no more homework assignments. Kayla also told the therapist she would work it all out in her own time and would call me that when she is ready. And I totally agree with all of this. It shouldn't be forced because it would have no meaning then--when she's ready it will happen and it will have much more meaning to both of us. In addition, Kayla said that she is "willing to invite me into her family." That is huge for her and it took her 30 minutes to say it in session. She also made some additional disclosures that will be of benefit to us and told us that we miscontrue her words. The therapy stuff is hard for Kayla because she does not like to talk about feelings or anything personal but she did eventually get the hard stuff out last night and we both left feeling a lot better. Though I'm not sure the therapist did--Kayla must have told her a dozen times that she is mean and she didn't like her. Next time we are going to work on communication. I told her if she wants me to get exactly what she's saying then she's got to tell me exactly what she wants to tell me and not assume that I can read minds. She is fond of saying "You know" or "You know already" instead of saying outright what she is thinking and then gets mad when I don't know what it is she's trying to tell me.

We also had a visit from the social worker last night (yes, we had a busy night--I told Kayla at least we have it all over with for the week) and it appears our finalization date is still set for May. I told her I don't want to be surprised again if it's not and to let me know what's going on so my fingers are crossed that things will go smoothly from here on out.


Tricia said...

red flags go up if a child calls you mom right a way in older children. I can tell that word has alot of meaning to her so when she does finally allow herself to refer to you as mom it will be all that more special!

Lisa said...

Yay for great therapy session!

You know...just kills me. I hate it. J would do it as a taunting...you already know it mom. Well telling me I already know it isn't working on communication skills. ;-(

The waiting for finalization is so hard.

Tracey said...

I'm so glad things went better. I guess communication is tough for any teen/tween, let alone one with such a complicated a history as Kayla! All in her own time, I suppose, but it sounds like you're definitely making progress. Fingers crossed for finalization!